Becoming My Own Protagonist

Senior year of high school is probably the first time it happened. After crying tears of happiness with my acceptance letter to my top college in hand, I ended up going to a different one, to be with my boyfriend.

The next time was when I lived in Madrid for the first time. I was thriving - networking, attending and supporting incredible events, writing constantly, with successful posts reaching thousands of readers. And I left after a short 8 months, to be with my boyfriend.

I've done this time and again - made decisions based on relationships and on other people's beliefs and opinions. Coming and going, constantly indecisive, waiting for someone else to tell me what the correct answer was. My inability to be in one place for more than two years at a time is a result of my internal struggle between following the path that others lay out for me and forging my own.

For the majority of decisions I've made, I've taken a back seat. I've constantly allowed someone else to guide me, as opposed to sitting down to truly reflect on the story I want to write for myself.

This year will be different.

I returned to Madrid because it is one of the decisions I did make for myself. It was the beginning of carving a path unique to me and my dreams. While I have no regrets for how I've lived my life up until now, I sometimes wonder where I would be, had I left behind the relationship and the fear and continued forging that path.

We can either ruminate on the past and continue in the cycles we find ourselves in, or we can move forward with what we learn and continue to advance.

I choose to advance.

This year will be the year I become my own protagonist.

This year will be the year I let go of anyone else's expectations of how I should live my life.

This will be the year I let go of the fear. The fears that perhaps plague many of us - fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of instability and uncertainty.

This will be the year that I begin to trust.

Trust in myself, my value, my capacity.

Trust in my dreams.